Hsimenting

Run, run... RUN!
Cart after silver shiny cart roll by -
a shiny parade of glinting steel piled high with more things than one might imagine could be fried, steamed and skewered: cubes of stinky tofu, honey-glazed ginger-stuffed sausages, globs of red bean giggling in transparent gelatinous goo, deep fried quail's eggs, speared candied strawberries, tomatoes, plums...

Yap, yap... YAP!
A well preened Pomeranian paws at it's carrying case, a designer handbag slung jauntily over a Hsimen-ting shoulder...
The doggie sniffs, yaps and hungers after the departing entourage as it disappears around a corner to wait until the coast is clear and all the apathetic stop-illegal-vending police have given up.
I don't know why they bother.

Sex in the Cities

Visiting friend of Tommy's noted (on seeing the 6th season of Sex in the City on our counter) that this program was so unrealistic... How could we watch such untrue to life "garbage"?

Well, garbage it may be... but how is it not true to life? Just remove the Manola shoes, the prime NY real estate, the designer shopping sprees and isn't life in the city where you live just as (fill in the blank)? If you don't live in a city, don't answer. Here is a rundown of stories I have heard (mostly from female friends either over the cellphone while traveling somewhere or while seated at bars or coffee shops) that HBO should get the producers to consider for a "season 7".

TAIPEI:

Speed Dating comes to Taipei: title is self-explanatory. However, no one I know has yet tried.

The Internet Affair: After flirting and more online for over a month, Taiwanese University-aged former roommate decides to meet her "lover." He turned out to be a married art teacher - hers!

Coyote Ugly at Carnegie's: If you like nightlife, chances are you've been to Carnegie's at least once... the place where you can dance on the bar with impunity and where no one has to leave alone

The Personal Trainer: Every been kissed by your hot personal trainer.... or any personal trainer? Let's hope he wasn't (as happened here) the sexiest (also GAYest) of trainers on the Roxy dance floor. Just what motivates a gay male personal trainer to kiss a straight woman client he accidentally runs into on the dance floor? Too many tequila sunrises?

Sexy Splurging: Hey, it's ok to spend over US $300.00 on underwear for just one two-piece matching set every now and then.

Credit Card Abuse: After a few years in Taipei, you too might have a floor to ceiling whole-wall wardrobe filled with impracticle clothes. I am not so bad as some... I know some people here with real credit card abuse problems! I know one who had to help herself by getting a job in a place so isolated there was nothing to buy.

Finding the Right Shrink: Not only women in NYC are looking up psychiatrists to help them get over thier last bad break-up... I was actually glad to hear that "Cherry" was going to get one as I was fighting my urge to say "good riddance" every day. But I felt that wouldn't be so understanding. I imagine it's probably even harder to find a good shrink in Taipei though... It's not really such an accepted norm. Imagine if you needed one that speaks English.

Clothes Grow on Trees: Hey mom, just so you know... this story is NOT about me! One girlfriend woke up one morning (alone) with a hangover, naked and possessed of no recollection of the night before... She got up to look for her clothers... only to find them decorating the tree outside.

4:00 am Breakfast: This is one of the treats of Taipei! Doesn't matter how late/early in the morning, you can ALWAYS find somewhere open for breakfast.

Guys to Avoid in Taipei:

• "Hey, your underwear doesn't match," guy
• "Have you read the Kamasutra recently?" guy
• The circus performer guy
• Bitter guy
• Crying guy
• The mama's boy
• The guy who calls/text messages you 100 times a day

Stay tuned for Sex in the Cities: Seoul, Hong Kong and Yokohama!

California Fitness, Pamela & Magic Slim Tea

Yes... my whole one hour at the gym this weekend was productive! After a week away, I felt too tired and asthma-y to make it even half-way through my workout. So I sat down at the exercise bike in front of the row of TVs. Lucky me! AXN was showing an old movie where Pamela Anderson plays a black pleather jumpsuited mastermind villan. I have no idea about the plot as the sound was off and the subtitles were Chinese, but the heros appeared to be a gang of kung-fu savy kids acrobatting the hell out of some evil henchmen at an amusement park. How's that for quality entertaiment? Suddenly, Pamela smiles and the scene cuts to three women in white hot pants and sports bras drinking tea and rubbing their stomachs. Then we catch a shot of one of them exiting the washroom followed by a diagram of someone's intestines... 10 minutes later and we are STILL watching the white clad girls, but now they have been joined by a bunch of other people (some of them with knees larger in circumference than their thighs) holding up pictures of when they were "fat". A man (presumedly the inventor of the "magic slim tea") came out and some of them started crying (out of gratitude?) and they all started hugging him. Scene cuts to a pitcher (not pot) of tea and several cups... Then, Pamela flips a switch on the massive control board in her secret hide-away headquarters.

Two questions for you:
1. Don't you think the million dollars I pay every month for my platinum gym membership are well-spent?
2. What's up with the infomercials? Should that really be allowed?

Cultural Difference or Difference of Opinion?

After a few 70 hour work weeks, it can be such an effort to be civil. Seems some days I have to use every ounce of strength to keep from biting off someone's head or spouting obscenities (although that might be a little out of character)... or (as can be equally heinous in some countries) raising my voice or showing displeasure. And it is easier for that "displeasure" to escalate when the person who's ear I am deafening is SMILING back! Seemingly NO acknowledgment of the problem at hand! It's true, in Japan I remember experiencing extreme frustration over the fact that every time there was a problem (like Yasuda-Sensei doing nothing to help prepare, teach, or discipline students in class other than SNORE loudly from his chair in the back of the room), nobody except for me seemed to be upset. Well, actually, I guess everyone WAS in fact, upset, but it is a usual reaction to smile when something makes you uncomfortable. (However, for me in Yokohama, it seemed that any bad feelings would eventually pass because my magnanimous supervisors there generally understood that it was difficult for a "gaijin" like me to really understand Japanese culture or practice the same discipline or self-control.)

Here in Taiwan, I have no excuse! I yearn to attribute any problems I encounter in life here to cultural misunderstandings, but this is a little unsafe. If I ever dared to suggest that something was just a misunderstanding based on cultural differences, it might be misconstrued. My meaning, " I must have missed some little thing that I should have done to make this go more smoothly... like better observing office heirarchy and being more appropriately respectful." Someone else hears, "Well, in NORTH AMERICA, things aren't done like this! What kind of backwards, half-assed, hill-billy methods are you employing anyway? Can't we be CIVILIZED?" (As if someone originally from Rural Route No. 1 in New Brunswick could ever accuse someone from Taipei, Taiwan of being a "hill-billy!" LOL. Anyway, I know I really don't have enough experience in an office to know how things would be done in my own country anyway... So I guess I should just try to face facts! I am just possessed of many differences of opinion.

I'M NOT HERE

DON'T LOOK AT ME! DON'T COME NEAR!

Photo compliments of local staff (poor resizing by Photoshop... why does Fireworks not open properly? Stupid program! Stupid computer! I need Elvis-care... but that is a story for another posting).

Catching a Ride

Yesterday was the first day that I woke up AFTER 9:00 am (I need to be at work by 9:00)! Today I set my alarm. I haven't been doing that as I was waking up at 7:00 most days anyway. Anyway, I think maybe it is getting harder to get up in the morning because it is still dark out when it is time to go to work... dark being relative. I mean, it's as dark as an overcast winter day in Vancouver. But here, the sun usually starts streaming in the windows a lot earlier. (BTW, there is no such thing as daylight's saving time in most of Asia, so I am now 11, not 12 hours ahead of NY and Toronto).

Anyway, I got up, showered and turned on my computer to see if Amy was online... She was! 8:15 am... still time to chat a little and get to work on time. Then I heard the front door slam - Tommy. He was supposed to leave for University at 7:30! I turn off the computer to get a ride part-way to work. I can walk to work via Starbucks if I go with him. The ride is terrifying as Chonghua Rd is jam packed: 4 lanes of bumper to bumper rush-hour traffic, all the spaces in between lanes buzzing with motor-scooters trying to get ahead of the cars and each other. We are one of them and I have to close my eyes to avoid feeling like we are just ricocheting off the car on the left into the car on the right... zig-zagging back and forth like a ball in a racquetball match. I squeeze my eyes shut to keep panic at bay.

Choke... a bus pulls in front and we get a face full of exhaust. (The rule of the road here is that the bigger vehicle gets right of way, pedestrians being least privileged even when they have a flashing green running man at a crosswalk!) The pollution at this time is almost tangible. I arrive at the corner of Chunghua and Baoqing Rd with my eyes shut, holding my breath...

AH! It really is a Starbuck's morning as the line at the cheaper local coffee chain is around the block and I only have 15 minutes to get to work.

So Ugly it's Cute?

And if the picture on the previous post didn't scare you, here is picture of yet another kitty more alarming than Kujo! (Oops! I think we have just named Vancouver cat... Kujo the Kitty?) But it would seem this feline won't need to apply to the cat version of "the Swan" because her human mommy swears she has grown less and less straggly by the second.

Name That Cat

A long time ago, I promised to post a picture of the cat sent me all the way from Vancouver. I never did post the picture... and I never did name the cat! Isn't she a beauty? Any suggestions for a moniker?

Lonely Planet

Someone has a Cave's Bookstore connection, so my discounted order came in last night: Guide books for South America, Central America and Mexico. It has been a while since I had this dream to go to South or Central America, but so far I haven't acted on it. I seem to always have too many dreams to make them all come true at once... but I do eventually get to them. One of the things I dreamed of doing was visiting India. I made plans in 1995, but didn't get there until 2000... and then again in 2003.... and again in (will let you know when the third trip is made).

However, Latin America seems a little scary seeing as I have only really lived in Asia (I mean aside from Canada) and have always had a stable job in place before relocating. I have tossed a lot of ideas around in my head: Chile, Costa Rico, Puerto Rico (places where I thought it might be possible to get a stable job).... but the truth is I would like to NOT have to put in a lot of long hours after I finally get there as I would like to have time to study Spanish or take dance classes, learn how to cook, spend time writing, etc.... Lately people have been suggesting other (possibly cheaper) alternatives: Some people say they LOVED living in Mexico, my Capoeira instructor would naturally recommend Brazil, my roomate says Bolivia is a very cheap place to live. Then there is also Guatemala....

Anyway, I ran into a man at the salsa club last weekend that I haven't seen in a LONG time. He is a rather pompous guy that lived in Argentina for several years before moving to Asia. I usually find his cynicism combined with his passion for tango entertaining. However, I noted this time that he seems very bitter about South America. He reports that it is NOT a good time to be in South or Central America.In response to my questions re: best place to go, he said that (across the board) salaries are not enough to live on and life would be lonely as I wouldn't truly belong. He predicted that I would only last 3 months before returning to Taipei. How depressing and negative.

Well, in all honesty, I don't really know when I will go (or in what capacity... as Spanish student, as traveler, as English teacher, editor or materials writer), but I know that I will eventually go and that it will be great fun... and that I wherever I go to afterwards, (even if it is 3 months later) it is not likely to be Taipei.

Awaiting Japan Update

Well, one of this blog's infrequent, but very appreciated, contributors has recently returned from a trip to Japan: Okinawa and Tokyo. I heard by phone that she visited Tokyo favorites, including the Oriental Bazaar in Harajuku (which apparently now also has a small branch in the Narita Airport). Amy, do you think they are aiming to become to Tokyo what Shanghai Tang is to HK? When "Ms. Barbados" visits Asia, I will definately recommend having a modern qipao (cheongsam?) made at Shanghai Tang's and that she pick up some Japanese reproduction antique masks at the Oriental Bazaar in Toyko. (Did I tell you she is thinking of coming over Chinese New Year's?)

Anyway, please fill in more details of Japan when you have time... (suggestions for Lunar New Years travel also appreciated. I was thinking of recommending Taipei via HK and then on to Thailand or Cambodia. I have heard that beach somewhere in Cambodia in lovely: Sikhanouville?)

PS. Please also post your Asia wish list! Otherwise you may find you I bring you back nothing but barley-sugar salt-plum lollypops! No one is likely to get the infamous Taiwanese pineapple cakes this year as they are too heavy and besides - everyone is getting sick of them anyway.

GRAMMAR LADY

BBRRRIIINNNGGGG... the phone rings just as I am on my way to a meeting .
"Hi! Can I ask a question about grammar?" asked the teacher. "There is a cat on the sofa. Is 'there' a subject? What is the grammatical term for there?"
I hang on the the receiver and indicate to the people waiting for me that I will be ready for our meeting in a minute.

"Well... In this instance, 'there' is empty, gramatically speaking. It is NOT the subject. It is used in this case because in English, we usually don't start sentences with indefinite subjects," I begin.
"But how do I explain this to my students?" she whined. "There must be a rule and a grammatical term for 'there'! And what if a student asks me, 'What is on the sofa?' Shouldn't the answer be, 'A cat is on the sofa.' Then the sentence would start with an indefinate subject..."

KILL ME NOW! I have been called upon to function as a dictionary, a tape recorder and lots of other such things in Asia, but never GRAMMAR RULE FABRICATOR! This should definately be added to the list of jobs which Taiwan is so in need of that there is a visa-processing fast track. I would insist my company hire someone this instant if the candidate could make up convincing rules and workable grammatical terms to satisfy.

As it turns out, there is an answer to that teacher: "There" functions syntactically as a grammtical subject. However, being the existential "there" (as opposed to the locative adverbial "there"), the subject is "notional" (or empty). I wonder if she's prefer this explanation for her 13 year old students? I found this in the Longman Grammar of spoken and written English (the online Grammar Lady unfortunately passed away recently).

Weekend Flower Market

"Cubasian" Yeh is back in Taiwan.... and that means Saturday night was reserved for dancing. We opted for Club 75 (over Barrio) since the last 2 times I was at Barrio, there was some cheesy performance by a European blond boy stripping down to his sequinced thong and giving the Taiwanese girls the equivalent of a lap dance. So very NOT salsa... and in such POOR taste! Anwyay, we danced until about 3:00 am, at which time, we went for Taiwanese breakfast: shao long bao (pork dumplings), Luobogao (turnip cake), danbing (crepe rolled up with fried egg) and re do jang (hot soy milk).

A you can probably imagine, I didn't sleep till after 4:00 and not up on Sunday until noon. At about 2:00pm, I decided I needed to get up and run to McDonald's for coffee (no coffee shops in my neighborhood). When I reached the corner, I realized that my yoga pants were on inside-out and my yellowing Budweiser T-shirt wasn't long enough to cover the tag in the back... Oh, well. No worries. I am the only person on the street in summer slides and short-sleeves (not to mention my hair is still wet from the shower) anyway. I might as well add to the image of complete dishevelment. I suddenly realize why people in Taiwan think that Canadians must be impervious to cold weather (aside from the obvious fact that Canada is more North than Taiwan -- and the US for that matter -- and therefore MUST be freezing all year long). Canadians can wear short-sleeves in December! (This is, however, not as much of a shock as it would be in Japan where there are specific dates when you are practically required by law to stop wearing short sleeves). Well, the air is only a little bit brisk in my opinion. If I were to be out longer than the 10 minutes needed to collect my coffee etc, I would have brought a sweater. The place where I really freeze is in the office where the air conditioner is on full-blast. (I wear at lest 2-3 layers there-whereas my Taiwanese couterparts wear thin cutesy shirts, sleeveless blouses, etc).

Anyway, I go home and roommate has woken up. He wants to go to the weekend flower market. We hop on his motorscooter (I have since changed into more appropriate clothing) and we whiz through Taipei (okay, it feels cold now) to Jianguo Street. The flower market is already playing the "goodbye song." We buy a couple pots of miniature orchids, and many bundles of cut flowers: some green leafy stuff, brilliant gerberas in orangy-red, red anthuriums, yellow calla lies... a bunch of fushia roses, pink gerberas, more more yellow flowers (??) and finally, my 6 red roses. Let's see if the fung sui works!